I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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