I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I smell stomach acid.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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