I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
