did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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