I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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