Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize