i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
