I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I want a musical about memes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
