She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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