Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
