Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
