Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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