how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
