She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Boobs are out for the taking
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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