ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
