How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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