All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
