All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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