i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
