I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
