I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
