You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
