I hate all girls vehemently.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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