I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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