I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
