Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
