Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You need Xanax blowdarts
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
