you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
