she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
