call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So gin and wine won't be happening again
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
