anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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