im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
