I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
