I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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