Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
