I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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