This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
