It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
