I looked at my own cervix.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
