Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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