I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.