i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My ass is underappreciated
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown