if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs