I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.