what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.