i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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