Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
