Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.