I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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