I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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