Acid is not a monday night drug
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
