I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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