In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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