you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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