it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
