actually, I'm a sock model
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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