Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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