ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize