If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
