How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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