It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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