Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
