wrigley field is MILF paradise
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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