so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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