No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
