so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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