I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
