great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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