with your own penis?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
