don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
