The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
