Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
